First off, let me apologize to anyone reading this post looking for photos of Evie. For the next little bit, it's likely my blog is taking a turn as more of a journal. I'm still happy to share my thoughts and stories with others, but just have to apologize if you were looking for a cute Evie story this time around. Part of my intention with this blog is for her to one day know what it was like to be her mom, and perhaps when she is a mother of her own have some insight into the things I struggled with, laughed at, and loved when she was growing up.
That out of the way, I have to admit just how much I'm struggling with the news that I need to wean Evie. Knowing that I wanted to make it until at least 18 months or possibly 2 years, it is hard to be strict with cutting back on her nursing sessions. I never had her on an official nursing schedule to begin with, so that's part of the problem. It's not like I can simply say "okay, for the 10am nursing, I'll give her a snack or a sippy cup of milk". I've always just allowed her to tell me when she wants to nurse and am happy to oblige (unless we're somewhere where I can't really do so, but that rarely happens). Knowing that nursing meets both a nutritional and emotional need, it is that much harder to take away from her. I've altered the rotation of when she nurses (it used to be the first and last thing she did during awake times, i.e. when she woke up, before a nap, after waking from a nap, before bed). Now I try to give her solid food when she wakes, and then nurse her if she's still hungry. I'm hoping that will eventually lead her to recognize solid food meets her needs and she no longer needs to nurse. So far, however, that doesn't seem to be going as well as I might've hoped.
As promised in my last entry, I decided to hold the line on not throwing food. We brought out the pack-n-play again for time out, and placed it in the dining room. Yesterday morning, when she threw a strawberry, she was lifted out of her high chair and into the pack-n-play for a minute of time out. She didn't seem to mind too much. We put her back in the chair after a minute and allowed her the option to keep eating. She threw something again, and back she went into time out. Easy peesy. Then came lunch. Since I was trying not to nurse her when she woke up from her morning nap, I offered her lunch shortly after she woke. She was clearly hungry. She ate some black beans, but threw a tomato on the floor. Into time out. She got upset quite quickly. After a minute, it was back into the high chair. She ate a few more beans, then threw a carrot. Back into time out. She was pissed! After getting her out of time out, she was super clingy. She screamed every time I tried to set her down. She kept beating on my chest, signaling she wanted to nurse. I knew she was still hungry, so I decided to nurse her. She calmed down instantly.
Today was a similar story. She ate fairly well and is throwing less and less food. But her frustration and clinginess continues to grow. Her screams have gotten incredibly intense and sound as if someone is physically hurting her. I know it's part of being a toddler, learning how to express your displeasure, but it hurts my heart. Tonight she ate her veggies and chicken at dinner, but near the end of the meal she just started getting very upset. She wanted me to hold her and feed her food off my plate, she cried while in her high chair. When dinner was over, she wouldn't let Will hold her and wouldn't sit on the floor. She only wanted me and begged and cried to nurse. Feeling like she might still be hungry or thirsty, I allowed her to, and once again she was immediately calmed. Once finished, she crawled off my lap and went to play with her toys. I am not at all prepared for how emotional this process already is for both of us. Part of me wants to just go cold turkey, wondering if that'd somehow be easier, but I would miss that cuddle time and I know she would as well. I still have 5 weeks left until she has to be completely weaned, and I'm nervous it's going to be an emotional month for us both. I'm hoping tomorrow will somehow be miraculously better, but I'm doubtful.
That out of the way, I have to admit just how much I'm struggling with the news that I need to wean Evie. Knowing that I wanted to make it until at least 18 months or possibly 2 years, it is hard to be strict with cutting back on her nursing sessions. I never had her on an official nursing schedule to begin with, so that's part of the problem. It's not like I can simply say "okay, for the 10am nursing, I'll give her a snack or a sippy cup of milk". I've always just allowed her to tell me when she wants to nurse and am happy to oblige (unless we're somewhere where I can't really do so, but that rarely happens). Knowing that nursing meets both a nutritional and emotional need, it is that much harder to take away from her. I've altered the rotation of when she nurses (it used to be the first and last thing she did during awake times, i.e. when she woke up, before a nap, after waking from a nap, before bed). Now I try to give her solid food when she wakes, and then nurse her if she's still hungry. I'm hoping that will eventually lead her to recognize solid food meets her needs and she no longer needs to nurse. So far, however, that doesn't seem to be going as well as I might've hoped.
As promised in my last entry, I decided to hold the line on not throwing food. We brought out the pack-n-play again for time out, and placed it in the dining room. Yesterday morning, when she threw a strawberry, she was lifted out of her high chair and into the pack-n-play for a minute of time out. She didn't seem to mind too much. We put her back in the chair after a minute and allowed her the option to keep eating. She threw something again, and back she went into time out. Easy peesy. Then came lunch. Since I was trying not to nurse her when she woke up from her morning nap, I offered her lunch shortly after she woke. She was clearly hungry. She ate some black beans, but threw a tomato on the floor. Into time out. She got upset quite quickly. After a minute, it was back into the high chair. She ate a few more beans, then threw a carrot. Back into time out. She was pissed! After getting her out of time out, she was super clingy. She screamed every time I tried to set her down. She kept beating on my chest, signaling she wanted to nurse. I knew she was still hungry, so I decided to nurse her. She calmed down instantly.
Today was a similar story. She ate fairly well and is throwing less and less food. But her frustration and clinginess continues to grow. Her screams have gotten incredibly intense and sound as if someone is physically hurting her. I know it's part of being a toddler, learning how to express your displeasure, but it hurts my heart. Tonight she ate her veggies and chicken at dinner, but near the end of the meal she just started getting very upset. She wanted me to hold her and feed her food off my plate, she cried while in her high chair. When dinner was over, she wouldn't let Will hold her and wouldn't sit on the floor. She only wanted me and begged and cried to nurse. Feeling like she might still be hungry or thirsty, I allowed her to, and once again she was immediately calmed. Once finished, she crawled off my lap and went to play with her toys. I am not at all prepared for how emotional this process already is for both of us. Part of me wants to just go cold turkey, wondering if that'd somehow be easier, but I would miss that cuddle time and I know she would as well. I still have 5 weeks left until she has to be completely weaned, and I'm nervous it's going to be an emotional month for us both. I'm hoping tomorrow will somehow be miraculously better, but I'm doubtful.
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