Now that I'm a parent of an infant and a toddler, I find myself reading books and listening to audio recordings helping me understand how to be a better parent to one or the other. Evie's terrible two's are in full force and I need all the help I can get.
Meanwhile, I'm determined for Cora to be a better sleeper than Evie. So, I'm reading books on how to help that. The biggest tip is of course not nursing her to sleep all.the.time. like I did with Evie. So,
I'm working on setting up a new routine. She fuses, but rarely gets completely upset. I was terrified of Evie even fussing, so whenever a whimper arose I'd offer her food. I guess I trained her to need me to calm herself in any situation. We also rarely put Evie down for naps in her first weeks. I had heard from everyone babies didn't need schedules until 4 months and that they'd sleep wherever and whenever they needed to. Turns out that wasn't the case with Evie and I should've been helping her learn to sleep independently in a crib or even just to sleep at all. She'd be up for hours on end and every day would end with her screaming her poor little head off, no matter what we tried. I've since learned she was over tired. I wasn't letting her get enough sleep during the day, and by nighttime she was a monster to try to calm. So, with Cora I'm majorly focusing on day time sleep. And it's working. But only on the days I can really commit to her being asleep every hour from the last time she woke up. It's hard to do that when you've also got a toddler to either take to or pick up from school, or feed lunch, or play with, or feed dinner, or bathe, or also put to bed. On the days when Will works from home and I can leave Cora napping in her crib, we have better nights. But, on those days when it's just me, she is shuttled from one spot to the next never fully getting in a good nap. By days end she's wide eyed and much harder to calm. Certainly not as hard as Evie, fortunately, but definitely not as easy as the days she gets good naps. In other news, Cora has started smiling. Which is amazing. Six weeks old already...
The audio recording I'm currently listening to is on how to be a better, more responsible parent overall. They talk about how the best cure for misbehavior is to ignore it. Duh. But isn't it easier said than done? But I'm trying. Now when Evie kicks off her shoes in the car, I ignore it and talk about something else completely. Its obvious she's doing it for attention, and it drives her mad when I don't pay attention to it anymore. She starts screaming and kicking my chair. Which I also ignore. She screams louder. I start singing along to the radio. She finally tries a desperate attempt and tells me she peed in the carseat or has to poop. I do respond, but not by freaking out. I simply say in a calm flat voice "oh, that's a bummer [if you peed], now your pants will be wet at [school, the gym, gymnastics, etc]" to which she has been replying "I didn't really pee mama. My pants wont be wet!". Aha. Busted. Totally a ploy for attention. Eventually she'll calm down. But she keeps trying for negative attention first. Her obvious favorite is to scream the car seat is too tight. She knows that one has gotten under my skin for months. But now that I'm ignoring it she seems to drop her case more quickly. Fingers crossed she eventually figures out screaming and throwing tantrums in the car get her no attention and she'll start doing things for positive attention.
The recording also talked a bit about welcoming a new sibling to a family. The quote they used was
priceless. "Consider that, for the older child, it's as if your husband came home and said to you "Honey, I love you SO much that I've decided to get a second wife. She'll be younger than you, and cuter than you. She'll get to use all your clothes and makeup and other things, and you have to share them with her even if she ruins them." The metaphor could continue... I think about that now when I'm trying to understand Evie's misbehavior around Cora. All the time that we used to spend having fun together is now shared with this little being who is attached to my boob. So, instead of getting upset with her during those times, I try to emphathize. And if that doesn't work, then I'm just ignoring for the time being. I'm only stepping in if I think someone is going to get hurt or it breaks house rules (i.e. you can't just leave your toys strewn about. That won't be ignored. But purposely dropping your food on the floor for my attention, is in fact met with "oh, bummer, now your bread is dirty", or ignored entirely).
Finally, the recording talks about food issues. Which we majorly have with Evie. We've created a little monster who has to be bribed to eat her vegetables and asks for cookies all the time. The program suggests that we stop making such a big deal out of food. We created this beast. Give it a week and she'll start to regulate what she eats on her own. It has natural consequences of stomach aches etc. If allowed to listen to her own body rather than me or Will, she'll come up with what she should be eating. It suggests if she asks for a cookie, give her the whole box. If she asks for a slice of pizza, give the whole pie. Serve everything family style. Set out what the options are on the table for everyone to serve themselves, and don't pay any attention to what she's eating. Let her learn you no longer care and it isn't a point of contention. So many food issues start off as being a power struggle or ploy for attention. If you drop the fight, the child goes back to eating like a normal person. So, we're trying it. Today was day one and it is already driving me INSANE. I know she needs to be eating x, y, and z. But instead she had the following today: waffles and peanut butter toast for breakfast, as well as half a banana and a bite of brownie; yogurt pretzels and a slice of bread for lunch. She put a piece of chicken on her plate but then gave it to me instead; carrots and hummus for a snack (this was only because I set it out for myself and she asked if she could have some. so at least there was that...); and three slices of bread and a cheese stick for dinner. I'm so hopeful this ends up working. But, I figure if we even commit to two weeks of no food battles it'll make for a more peaceful Thanksgiving next week. I'm tired of hovering over and obsessing about what she has eaten. So, we'll let it go for now.
Meanwhile, I'm determined for Cora to be a better sleeper than Evie. So, I'm reading books on how to help that. The biggest tip is of course not nursing her to sleep all.the.time. like I did with Evie. So,
The audio recording I'm currently listening to is on how to be a better, more responsible parent overall. They talk about how the best cure for misbehavior is to ignore it. Duh. But isn't it easier said than done? But I'm trying. Now when Evie kicks off her shoes in the car, I ignore it and talk about something else completely. Its obvious she's doing it for attention, and it drives her mad when I don't pay attention to it anymore. She starts screaming and kicking my chair. Which I also ignore. She screams louder. I start singing along to the radio. She finally tries a desperate attempt and tells me she peed in the carseat or has to poop. I do respond, but not by freaking out. I simply say in a calm flat voice "oh, that's a bummer [if you peed], now your pants will be wet at [school, the gym, gymnastics, etc]" to which she has been replying "I didn't really pee mama. My pants wont be wet!". Aha. Busted. Totally a ploy for attention. Eventually she'll calm down. But she keeps trying for negative attention first. Her obvious favorite is to scream the car seat is too tight. She knows that one has gotten under my skin for months. But now that I'm ignoring it she seems to drop her case more quickly. Fingers crossed she eventually figures out screaming and throwing tantrums in the car get her no attention and she'll start doing things for positive attention.
The recording also talked a bit about welcoming a new sibling to a family. The quote they used was
 |
| A girls night out, sans Cora. Evie sharing her coloring book with Sloan and eventually sharing sushi and edamame together. In a nice twist Sloan made Evie appear the angel that night. |
Finally, the recording talks about food issues. Which we majorly have with Evie. We've created a little monster who has to be bribed to eat her vegetables and asks for cookies all the time. The program suggests that we stop making such a big deal out of food. We created this beast. Give it a week and she'll start to regulate what she eats on her own. It has natural consequences of stomach aches etc. If allowed to listen to her own body rather than me or Will, she'll come up with what she should be eating. It suggests if she asks for a cookie, give her the whole box. If she asks for a slice of pizza, give the whole pie. Serve everything family style. Set out what the options are on the table for everyone to serve themselves, and don't pay any attention to what she's eating. Let her learn you no longer care and it isn't a point of contention. So many food issues start off as being a power struggle or ploy for attention. If you drop the fight, the child goes back to eating like a normal person. So, we're trying it. Today was day one and it is already driving me INSANE. I know she needs to be eating x, y, and z. But instead she had the following today: waffles and peanut butter toast for breakfast, as well as half a banana and a bite of brownie; yogurt pretzels and a slice of bread for lunch. She put a piece of chicken on her plate but then gave it to me instead; carrots and hummus for a snack (this was only because I set it out for myself and she asked if she could have some. so at least there was that...); and three slices of bread and a cheese stick for dinner. I'm so hopeful this ends up working. But, I figure if we even commit to two weeks of no food battles it'll make for a more peaceful Thanksgiving next week. I'm tired of hovering over and obsessing about what she has eaten. So, we'll let it go for now.
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