So, we've travelled half way around the world and have been gone from home for nearly 6 weeks. (Hong Kong, Singapore, Australia, and New Zealand). What an adventure we've had. I've learned a lot about myself as a parent. First of all, it turns out that long flights ARE in fact manageable, even in economy seating, even with small children. No, no one will sleep. Yes, people will get restless, angry, frustrated, and screen crazed. There will likely be tears. But the flight will end eventually. And then you'll be having the experience of a lifetime. So, just buck up and deal with the uncomfortable seats. Have a glass of wine and give your kids as much juice as they want. As many movies as they want. Cookies. Ice Cream. No rules in the air sort of flight. Trying to enforce rules when you're exhausted and cramped and also want to get the F off the airplane works well for no one and may result in your yelling obscenities in the middle of the night portion of the flight. So yah, option one of no rules is much better for all involved.
Beyond learning that we're capable of doing this, I've also learned that I don't have to be the perfect parent. For a while now I've been caught up in reading all these parenting books so I don't mess up my kids. Trying to somehow undo the parenting that I experienced from my dad or maybe even mom (I just don't remember her ever not being perfect). And I've realized that even when I'm being "perfect" as a parent, the girls haven't read the book I read. So they're not playing the part they're supposed to. And then I get pissed off and decide this peaceful parenting is for the birds and settle for good old threats and consequences. When peaceful parenting does work it's truly lovely and the much preferred method. But oh my God, the pressure to do it right is daunting. I've realized that as long as I love these girls (and I really really do) then I will do my best and they'll turn out okay. And if they don't, ultimately that's got to be their choice. Because Will and I have provided them with what we could. A good solid foundation of love and life experiences. The rest is really up to them.
I've learned that we actually travel pretty well. That my kids aren't as picky of eaters as I thought they were. That they try new things and that we can have fun together as a family when we break out of our routines and our rules. Routines and rules are good for everyone, but sometimes just not having any plan at all makes for such a nice day. And that's what vacations are for. To break out from the norm. We've really embraced that this trip and I'm looking back in awe of all that we've done. All that the girls have been up for. All the various fears we've all conquered.
I've learned that I am not my mom. No matter how hard I try. She was fearless. At least to me. I'd love to pick her brain and find out how she managed not to absorb the crazy maternal hormones that tell you to avoid all possible negative outcomes at any possible moment. Like this fear of heights I have that is suddenly becoming much less manageable. What happened to the bungee jumping sky diving hang gliding zip lining chick that I was ten-twenty years ago? Two major things: 1) I learned the very hard lesson that life can be over for you or a loved one at any possible moment (thanks for that lesson mom) and 2) I've learned I have a lot to live for (thanks for that lesson daughters). Those two realizations make it hard to be fearless. But maybe on the flip side mom realized that she had no control over when her time would come so she may as well have fun the meantime. I'd like to get there. We go caving tomorrow and it's challenging my fears to go exploring in a cave where it's dark and something could happen and I keep thinking about those poor boys trapped in the cave in Thailand and think I shouldn't take my two young kids into a cave without a gude. But then I think, we're in NZ right now and have this chance to see glow worms and how friggin cool. So get over it. Breathe through it. Don't show your kids your fears. Channel Grandma Becky. Cackle out your fears if you have to, to get yourself through it. So, I'll try. But, if I fail, that's okay to. Because I cannot keep holding myself to the impossible standard of the woman my mom was to me. I just have to be the best me I can and let the rest slide.
Beyond learning that we're capable of doing this, I've also learned that I don't have to be the perfect parent. For a while now I've been caught up in reading all these parenting books so I don't mess up my kids. Trying to somehow undo the parenting that I experienced from my dad or maybe even mom (I just don't remember her ever not being perfect). And I've realized that even when I'm being "perfect" as a parent, the girls haven't read the book I read. So they're not playing the part they're supposed to. And then I get pissed off and decide this peaceful parenting is for the birds and settle for good old threats and consequences. When peaceful parenting does work it's truly lovely and the much preferred method. But oh my God, the pressure to do it right is daunting. I've realized that as long as I love these girls (and I really really do) then I will do my best and they'll turn out okay. And if they don't, ultimately that's got to be their choice. Because Will and I have provided them with what we could. A good solid foundation of love and life experiences. The rest is really up to them.
I've learned that we actually travel pretty well. That my kids aren't as picky of eaters as I thought they were. That they try new things and that we can have fun together as a family when we break out of our routines and our rules. Routines and rules are good for everyone, but sometimes just not having any plan at all makes for such a nice day. And that's what vacations are for. To break out from the norm. We've really embraced that this trip and I'm looking back in awe of all that we've done. All that the girls have been up for. All the various fears we've all conquered.
I've learned that I am not my mom. No matter how hard I try. She was fearless. At least to me. I'd love to pick her brain and find out how she managed not to absorb the crazy maternal hormones that tell you to avoid all possible negative outcomes at any possible moment. Like this fear of heights I have that is suddenly becoming much less manageable. What happened to the bungee jumping sky diving hang gliding zip lining chick that I was ten-twenty years ago? Two major things: 1) I learned the very hard lesson that life can be over for you or a loved one at any possible moment (thanks for that lesson mom) and 2) I've learned I have a lot to live for (thanks for that lesson daughters). Those two realizations make it hard to be fearless. But maybe on the flip side mom realized that she had no control over when her time would come so she may as well have fun the meantime. I'd like to get there. We go caving tomorrow and it's challenging my fears to go exploring in a cave where it's dark and something could happen and I keep thinking about those poor boys trapped in the cave in Thailand and think I shouldn't take my two young kids into a cave without a gude. But then I think, we're in NZ right now and have this chance to see glow worms and how friggin cool. So get over it. Breathe through it. Don't show your kids your fears. Channel Grandma Becky. Cackle out your fears if you have to, to get yourself through it. So, I'll try. But, if I fail, that's okay to. Because I cannot keep holding myself to the impossible standard of the woman my mom was to me. I just have to be the best me I can and let the rest slide.
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